Midnight Cigarette
by allie.bee
Summary: Sirius was always there for Marlene, except for the time she needed him most.  Rated M for a reason: SiriusxMarlene


_AN: I do not own the characters or Harry Potter that all belongs to JK. This was just an idea I had whilst listening to Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley, check it out! I do not own the song either. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to review_

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He picked the discarded bottle off the floor, whilst he watched the raven haired beauty desperately search for her shirt. He sat slouched on his bed a sheet barely covering his thighs. The girl had now located her blouse and was trying to button it inside out, without her bra. He scoured the room for the piece of black lace that she needed and his eyes landed on the lampshade. She ran towards the light and whipped the bra out of sight, having obviously followed his gaze. Nothing was said and in the moment of brief awkwardness he attempted a joke, which had her pulling on her jeans without underwear, picking up her heels and storming out of the room.

His head fell back on the pillow that not moments ago they had shared. He knew he had royally fucked up, taken advantage, whatever the fuck she was going to yell at him, and he knew it was true. He wasn't even sure if she could remember last night's events, but the room that surrounded him was littered with evidence of their activities. From his shirt that now had no buttons, to the fallen over trunks, the tiny black panties that were dangling from his bedpost and finally the crumpled bed sheets that the naked boy was now scrunching up.

He knew the reason she had been drinking last night, and he was honestly just trying to help. He had never been good with tears, and the idea of comforting someone who was in despair was foreign to him. Damn his parents to hell for the emotional barriers they had left in their destructive wake.

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She knew that smirk, it was the one that haunted her dreams, ever since that night she couldn't get him off her mind. James was sitting next to her slurring his words and attempting to seduce a sober Lily. _Slap_ ok so she knew that was coming, and was not surprised to see a furious Lily storm up to the dormitories. Yet her gaze was drawn back to the boy across the room. The mistake would not be made again she decided, one time was enough. Somehow she knew she was lying to herself, but the rational part of her brain was slowly fading into silence as she poured more drinks down her throat.

Her eyes were blurred, and she could barely walk straight, but the music was blaring and she was intoxicated enough to get up onto the table and start swaying her hips. This was what she needed, a way to forget, to leave behind all the hurt and pain. Bottle still in hand she began dancing with someone, anyone, but her eyes landed on him, on the sofa, blonde on his lap, staring at her as she fell deeper into destruction.

She was surprised to say the least when she woke up in his dorm, she would recognize that bed with her eyes closed. But it wasn't him she awoke to, but one of his best friends. The blonde lying next to her stirred and mumbled in his sleep. She slowly moved out of his bed determined not to wake the slumbering boy. He walked out of the bathroom as she was zipping up her hoodie, make-up was plastered across her face, sporting bed-hair and he looked like some god, with only a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked at her then at the bed. Nothing was said, there was no apologies or forgiveness, but this time there was no jokes either.

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He knew he couldn't save her, as she hastily un-buttoned his shirt, he also knew he wouldn't stop her, no matter how much it would hurt come morning. He would do what he always did throw on a façade of bravado, and slowly slip whatever she had forgotten from the night before into her bag whilst she wasn't concentrating. Thoughts left him as she ran her nails down his muscled torso. This wasn't going to be sweet and romantic, it was going to be filled with hurt, rage and hatred; because if they were honest both hated the other.

His body was marked, bruised and exhausted by the next morning. This was somewhat made easier by the fact that so was hers, he had made sure of that, plowed into her so quickly and strongly he knew she wouldn't be able to walk properly for the next couple of days. He wanted her to feel pain. She rose silently and threw on the summer dress she had been wearing and left the room without a glance back. A part of his heart died every time she walked away from him. He reached for the secret stash he had underneath his bed and proceeded to drink himself into oblivion.

He never wanted to see her again, never wanted to run his hands through her hair like he used to do when he was nervous, never wanted to hitch her leg around his hip and drive into her with a force that would have her over the edge within seconds. He never wanted to utter the name Marlene ever again.

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She knew she should stop, that enough was enough, she was destroying herself, she knew that. It was the worst sort of addiction, one that she couldn't stop, she wasn't strong enough not after what had happened. She knew her friends were worried about her, she was a shell of the bubbly vivacious girl she had once been, she was teetering on the edge of self-destruction and the one person who could have helped her was falling down to join her.

Her body convulsed and eyelids closed as she downed the bottle of pills she had stolen from the nurses office. But it wasn't enough, she was starting to feel sick her body was screaming at her to stop, begging her to reconsider, but what was left here for her. The one person she needed, hated everything about her. So she pulled out the other bottle and began to slowly add more and more pills, all she needed was release.

She saw his face when her eyelids closed for the final time. She remembered all the good times. How on the first day of school he had demanded she sit on his lap so he could play with her hair. How he always knew when she was sad and would always pull some stupid prank to make her smile again. How when he was nervous he would run his fingers through her hair because it calmed him. How when her whole family was found dead with the dark mark over their house he sat with her for the whole night, on top of the very hill she sat on now, and stared into oblivion together smoking long into the night. Sirius was the last words that left her lips before she entered darkness.

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He wouldn't believe it when he was told, it was a lie he told himself, another one of her evil schemes to get him to come to her, something to make him hurt. He hated her, she had left him with no one to understand him, she had won the ultimate game. Prongs and Moony were there when he went lost it completely and destroyed everything within his reach. Lily was there when he broke down and they cried together for 3 hours. But no one was there when he went to visit her grave for the first time.

His pain flooded through him like a drug, the memories that overtook him had him curled up in a ball shaking. Her smile, the way she crinkled her nose when she was confused, the way she scrunched her face when she sneezed, how she used to be his drinking buddy, how she could chug better than any boy he knew, how they could tell each other everything, how she hadn't cared when he broke into her room the night his dad had first hit him, how she had helped him decorated his new apartment. How empty she had looked the night this all started taking regular drags on that midnight cigarette, how vacant it had left her, how he hadn't tried to save her. He imagined her downing the pills and anger overtook him. She could have come to him, she should have come to him.

He hated the one person he would ever truly love.


End file.
